Ladies- this will be the article you should share with your spouse. Especially if your spouse is like mine and completely resents everything about Valentine’s Day. He says that the holiday is obligatory and assumes that he doesn’t do things for me all year. He doesn’t seem to care that I like the holiday and a bonus date night. I have yet to make the case that he should fold but here goes…
Gentlemen- Warning- Aside from loving love and anything that increases that, I am also a HUGE optimist.
Valentine’s Day may be a holiday invented by greeting card companies, florists, restaurants, and vineyards to increase sales after the holidays but who cares! Doesn’t the world need more love? TheKnot.com cites a study of 10,000 couples that shows more than half of couples go on dates less than once a month and the majority of those hardly ever go at all! That’s CRAZY to me! But I also used to be one of those people. That’s a topic for another post. My point here is that if half of the couples are going out together less than once a month to hardly ever, they could really use this excuse to get out!
Besides, what is the downside to celebrating this one and going hard at it? You give your partner a little extra TLC? You invest a little more time, thought into your relationship? OMG! So terrible!!! (sarcastic voice)
Here is a quick list of some of the major relational benefits of going all in for Valentine’s Day:
- The gesture of love is appreciated and will increase relational currency
- The time investment in the relationship will pay back 10 fold
- When you put in some extra effort shows with real actions that you still care
- Putting in the effort also shows that you prioritize the relationship and value it
- You’ll probably have sex later! Never a complaint there!
- Your spouse will feel special
- You’re supposed to be mushy so it is the best time to share your favorite things about your partner without feeling awkward.
There are also drawbacks to not celebrating:
- Communication is stifled when one party is shutting down the other’s desires
- Putting a stake in the ground about this holiday unintentionally sends a message to your spouse that they are not worth the effort
- The unintentional messaging continues with unimportance and unworthiness of being celebrated.
Let’s be real here for a minute. Just because you can celebrate any doesn’t mean you are. So, take an honest look at the time you spend together and if you are not actually making that effort on the regular, you really should consider doing it.
One other super important detail is to do it with your full heart or don’t do it at all. Your partner will feel the fakeness and it will cause a whole other set of issues and no one will have a good time.
Let me be clear, this rant on Valentine’s day has nothing to do with gifts, not tangible ones anyway. It is about celebrating your relationship with your partner and telling them the things you don’t say every day. A card or a letter with a really meaningful note and a shared bottle of wine or a coffee date with some chocolate covered strawberries is really all it takes to take your partner’s breath away and begin to reengage!
Do you have a good Valentine’s tradition? Please share! We all love ideas on how to make this holiday feel special!